Reese’s Christmas Turds are Back

Of the many controversies of Christmas last year none was more inexplicable than the Reese’s Christmas Tree Turd controversy.

For years and years Hershey has produced and pushed out to convenience stories and markets everywhere a Christmas-tree shaped version of their Reese’s peanut butter cups. The problem is that their “tree” resembles more of a turd than a tree. It has been this way for years but for whatever reason last year was the first time someone actually noticed.

This video kind of highlights the absurity (and humor) of it all. (WARNING: Explicit language):

It is important to point out why Hershey’s can’t make a better looking tree with this product. It comes from the classic combination of peanut butter with chocolate. In short, when you cover peanut butter with hot chocolate the heat breaks down the shape.

Now, truth be told, if Reese’s wanted to make a better shaped product that actually looks like a tree, they could. But that would involve a more tedious process that is more costly and time consuming — raising the final cost of the product to the point where nobody could buy it. You see, Christmas turds can sell for about a dollar. Genuine Christmas trees would be probably twice that.

Reese’s knows that would kill sales. Why can’t we all just get along and close our eyes while popping that yummy goodness into our mouths? It might look the same going in now as it will coming out but at the end of the day nobody in their right minds ever eats Christmas trees anyway, right? So who are we kidding here?

Well, guess what? It is the end of October and the turds are back in stores for yet another season. Reese’s has responded to the crisis of Christmas controversy with stoic good humor.

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Klement Klark Klaus

K. Klark Klaus is a former professor of theology and, as an academic, abhors the titles of "writer" and "reporter". As a New Yorker he was prominent on his essays on religion for many decades before retiring with his wife to Vermont, where he raises reindeer and writes, er, opines for Christmas Weekly.