John Lewis Christmas Shop

John Lewis Christmas Shop Opens to Near Riot Conditions

Famous British Department Store John Lewis opened their online Christmas shop this week to near riot conditions. Protesters and supporters of the department store competed to get the upper hand on the message of the acceptability of Christmas in August.

Opening exactly 4 months before Christmas triggered the huge response. Crowds gathered in front of Lewis’ London location where shopping restrictions have been in effect for months due to COVID-19.

“We don’t exactly know why anyone would care,” said Lewis spokesperson, Hillary Rothschild. “We open our Christmas shop months ahead of Christmas every year. This year was no different in our eyes.”

Chad Westerberg, head of what he calls The Christmas Resistance, claims the buying, selling, decorating and celebration of Christmas is in poor taste this year and says his organization plans demonstrations to get the holiday canceled.

“We have a stubborn pandemic to deal with, raging unemployment, a ridiculous election in the United States where it appears the Orange Monster will once again be elected president, so clearly this is no time for making merry and watching fuzzy Lewis commercials as if nothing is wrong in the world. These are serious times,” Westerberg said.

Many wryly noted that Westerberg and his group failed to wear COVID-protective face masks during their demonstration.

On the flip side of the argument is Lester Follows, a self-proclaimed Christmas fanatic who organized a “cheering party” online to welcome the John Lewis Christmas shop opening.

“We look forward to this every year,” Follows said. “It is part of our annual countdown to Christmas. John Lewis opens, then the season officially begins with the arrival of the Ber months.”

(We assume he means September through December). The group was COVID-compliant but also sported ugly Christmas sweaters, which seems strikingly out-of-place for the seasonal temps.

The contrasting demonstrations baffled both the company leaders and the general public.

“I think they’re both certifiable,” said passerby John Knox, a visitor to London who witnessed the vociferous crowds. “Christmas is clearly a moneymaker. Both these clowns just want their hand in the pot somehow.”

John Lewis expects great success from their Christmas merchandising efforts, especially online this year. Spokesperson Rothschild said early sales of Christmas decorations and lights were especially robust.

RH Macy
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