Closed on Thanksgiving

Don’t Believe the Thanksgiving Baloney Served Up By Retailers

Walmart was the first to announce in early July that all their stores would be closed on Thanksgiving Day. In this year of COVID-19 the announcement seems kind of obvious.

Of course, Walmart had to spin that they were doing the entire world a favor. Their CEO, John Furner, told associates, “We know it’s been a trying year, and you’ve stepped up. We want you to enjoy the day at home with your loved ones.”

Uh…John. Why couldn’t they stay home last Thanksgiving? Or the one before that? Or the one before that? Why do you care this year?

Walmart isn’t the only one serving baloney for Thanksgiving. Kohl’s said this about their closing on Thanksgiving in 2020:

“The holiday season is when Kohl’s shines brightest [gag], and as we move into the holiday season of this very unusual year, we are adapting our plans in response to changing customer expectations and behaviors.”

Really? Did you take a poll? Did you NOT hear our expectations last year and the year before and the year before that it was a slap in the face to all employees that they work on Thanksgiving day?

Perhaps the most egregious was Target, who seems to mess up Thanksgiving and Christmas in ever new creative ways. They said: “Historically, deal hunting and holiday shopping can mean crowded events, and this isn’t a year for crowds.”

Ha! Since when were crowds ever a problem at Target? You want to know what the problem is at Target? 35 red check stands without cashiers. That’s the problem.

But Target wasn’t done making fools of themselves. They said, “That’s why our biggest holiday deals will be available earlier than ever, so you can shop safely and conveniently without worrying about missing out on deals that usually come later in the season.”

Can you believe the nerve of these guys? Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that Target famously announced (lied) that they wouldn’t be selling Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving.

(What they meant to say is that they wouldn’t be ADVERTISING Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving. But when you went into their stores to buy half priced Halloween candy guess what you saw? Wall-to-wall Christmas.)

Target is a bonafide American Christmas disaster. These are they guys who could not keep their systems secure in the height of the holiday season and allow the exposure of millions of customers’ data.

Target once claimed they “own Black Friday” only to be told “hold my eggnog” by Walmart and Amazon, who thrashed them.

Target, where there’s a pedophile waiting for you in every bathroom, is not very holiday friendly.

Best Buy too thinks they have it all figured out. They said “We’re also going to start offering some of the hottest deals of the season earlier than ever, to make it even easier for our customers to check off their gift lists. With these changes, we’ve also decided to close our stores on Thanksgiving Day.”

Translation: We don’t think our stores will even be open for Christmas this year. Get your crap now. 

What retailers want you to think is that they are socially responsible. They want you to believe they are looking out for you. They expect you to applaud their efforts to sell you more stuff earlier than ever and have to pay shipping on every last bit of it.

Oh. And that baloney about employees not working on Thanksgiving?

Don’t buy into it. There isn’t ONE retailer who has said their websites and e-commerce operations will close on Thanksgiving Day. NOT ONE.

In fact, most are tipping their hand (when they aren’t greedily rubbing them together) by touting the fact that you can shop online while the turkey is roasting.

Believe me: there will still be employees slogging through merchandise on Thanksgiving morning, day and evening — 24 hours a day — all during the week of Thanksgiving.

You just won’t see them.

Expect big changes soon to be announced about Black Friday, too. They won’t want crowds on that day either. Ladies and gentlemen, start your mouses. This Christmas is going to be all online and every retailer is willing to lie through their teeth to get you to believe they are doing it all for you.

Tsk. Tsk. Too bad we won’t see the fights of Black Friday this year. We’ll just have to tune in to the live cam of downtown Portland to get our fill.

RH Macy