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Sunday, March 26, 2017

Starbucks Christmas Cup of 2016 Will Please No One


Remember the fuss last year about the Starbuck’s Christmas cup?

Just to jog your memory: a profiteering YouTuber made a video complaining that Starbuck’s plain red cups of a year ago were anti-Christian simply because they lacked any kind of Christmas design. The video went viral and Starbucks endured a season of being labeled a psycho-warrior unit in the so-called War on Christmas.

The picture above is a leaked photo of THIS year’s Starbuck’s Christmas cup. They will start pushing out their overpriced coffees in this new cup in about a week so everyone is going to compare and talk about it.

What do you think? Has Starbuck’s redeemed themselves with this cup?

We say no. In fact, we think this cup was designed to please no one. The anti-Christmas crusaders will hate it because the cup is still Christmas red. And the pro-Christmas fanatics will hate it because it lacks any kind of traditional holiday icons — no Santa, no reindeer, no snowmen, no snowfakes — zip. All there appears is a weird spidery branch-like design that just screams “winter” more than “Christmas”.

Nobody but nobody is going to care about this cup.

And that should be the point.

The bigger point, and the one that always seems to get missed, is that chick in the green logo on the cup and everything else Starbuck’s. Now that’s something to talk about.

The legend goes, we’re told, that way back in the early 70s when Starbucks was just a minor little coffee joint somewhere on a Seattle Waterfront the original founders sought out a consultant to help them come up with a logo. They wanted something to tie Starbucks to Seattle’s seafaring history because their coffee, doggone it, tastes like putrid seawater (I might be getting some of the details here wrong but indulge me — it’s a legend).

He dug up this chick we now see on everything Starbucks, with the star over her head (Christmasy, no?) and long flowing hair.

It’s a mermaid and one with two tails — you don’t see that because she just gives us a head shot, the big tease.

Of course, the logo we see now isn’t the logo Starbucks had then. The little mermaid then was topless and every cup had emblazoned on it her wry smile and two rather perky, naked breasts.

Yes, I said perky. As in nipples. As in high-beams. As in “it’s cold in Seattle”.

No wonder Starbuck’s became a thing. Who wouldn’t want nipples on their coffee cup first thing in the morning? Such a happy theme.

They went with the topless wonder for more than 15 years before taming it in the 1980s by making her hair drape strategically right over her golden bozos — and behold, you’ve got today’s little iconic lady in green.

There are some out there that suggest that Starbuck’s logo lady is satanic, a member of the Illuminatti, a Democrat — no doubt.

That’s the stuff of legends.

But for Christmas fans it’s not the color or design of the cup they should be talking about or looking at anymore. It’s that weird little topless chick and her two unseen mermaid tails. That’s the real story and nobody is pursuing it.

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About Harold Starr,

An old-timey newsman with an eye for the ladies, Harold Starr brings decades of experience from southern North Dakota where he worked for years as the editor of the Herald Star in the city of Flasher, ND (we kid you not). He reports on Christmas Lifestyle, Culture and anything having to do with women, his proclaimed specialty.