NORAD to Kill Off Santa’s Reindeer Due to Global Warming

Sources at NORAD confirm that creative directors in charge of the 2017 Norad campaign to track Santa Claus will not include reindeer.

“Reindeer are bad,” Lt. Sam Fields told Christmas Weekly. “They are bad for the environment, bad for the air, bad for the water, bad for Santa to be sitting behind all night and certainly the view can’t be good for Santa either. They have been talking about this for a long time. Santa will be in a sleigh but it won’t include reindeer this year.”

Recent events in the news related to climate change have got producers at NORAD Tracks Santa Inc. thinking Santa change. Most school age children who track Santa know that global warming is a threat to their future and NORAD doesn’t think Santa wants any part of that.

“Santa has changed with the times before,” one anonymous source at NORAD told us. “He doesn’t smoke any more and, of course, he gave up religion centuries ago. This really isn’t anything new for Santa. It happens.”

The source says NORAD is still in the “creative process” of trying to explain how and why the reindeer will not fly with Santa this year.

NORAD typically shows “footage” of Santa — and the reindeer — in flight over famous cities all over the world on Christmas Eve. And while NORAD has never officially embraced the story of Rudolph their history clearly shows a nod to Rudolph in the past with his nose sometimes blinking on NORAD maps and in their animations.

Santa’s sleigh this year will be completely emission free and powered by solar technology. NORAD guarantees an on-time delivery for Santa in his reindeer-less sleigh.

Several other changes are under consideration that likely are not to get as much notice. For example, children will be advised while tracking Santa to leave out broccoli and kale. “After all, we not only want to lower Santa’s carbon footprint but also his cholesterol,” Fields said.

The changes will not be made public just yet. Although the graphics, like the one shown above clearly do NOT show reindeer, NORAD does not plan a press release just yet. That might wait until closer to the season.

Our sources indicate a Black Friday or Cyber Monday announcement might be in the strategic plan because those events might prove to be a more overpowering distraction to concerned parents.

HW Longfellow

A moody and tragic figure, Mr. Longfellow joins Christmas Weekly after a distinguished career in which he wrote "If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all". A wry observer of Christmas trends and controversies Longfellow tends to shine a light on the more negative aspects of the modern Christmas. But we know he's a purist at heart and actually waters his fake tree with great hope in his heart.
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