Christmas Presents Nobody Buys

In a watershed moment for every Christmas season Neiman Marcus, the swanky department store nobody shops at, released it’s annual Christmas catalog featuring Christmas presents nobody ever buys. It gets a ton of free publicity every year and Christmas Weekly, ever the lead sheep in any parade, is no different. Did I just say that?

Anyway, this a catalog of the absurd. Every year we get through the gracious offering of Neiman Marcus a chance to see how the 1% lives.

This year they offer, I kid you not, a “rose gold” jet for $1.5 million.

Forget about the money for a second. This is a jet. You know, fast-as-Santa-kind-of-thing? Jets cost like bazillions of dollars. This is only $1.5 mil! What a bargain.

You see something like this for a paltry $1.5 mil and you have to wonder if we’re in a recession.

But have no fear. The ridiculous is here, just as it is every year.

An exclusive trip to the Grammy Awards can be yours for $500,000. You’ll get two tickets to Los Angeles to attend the award show in February and accommodations at the Peninsula Beverly Hills. An exclusive backstage tour, walk on the red carpet and a one-of-a-kind Gibson Les Paul ’59 Reissue Guitar are some of the other perks that come with the tickets. No word on whether or not you can win an actually Grammy but I’m sure you can ask.

In all, there are more than 700 ridiculously expensive items in the Christmas Book, most of which will never sell and many of which are much more boring than what is listed above.

The good thing about the Neiman Marcus catalog coming out in October every year is that it makes everything a bargain on Black Friday no matter what you buy or where. Everyone is a winner.

And as for the 1%, well, they don’t care anyway.

Bing Bugle

Bing Bugle is a former popular vocalist who unfortunately suffered a career-ending industrial accident when he gargled with a combination of salt-water and spiced Wassail. Bing is attempting to rebuild his career writing about Christmas music and modern artists.

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