Alabama Wants to Teach Christmas in Schools

A bill is advancing in the state legislature in Alabama that would allow schools to teach about Christmas.

Ironically, Alabama was the first state way back in 1836 to make Christmas a holiday. All this time, apparently, it has been against the law to teach Christmas in schools.

So, technically speaking, kids in Alabama schools have had Christmas off — but couldn’t talk about it.

Left-wingers in the state — both of them — have declared this bill a hazard to the welfare of Alabama children. “You might as well let them march around with Confederate flags,” said state senator Floyd Banks (D-Birmingham).

The controversial bill is not expected to make it out of committee.

“Contrary to popular belief, Christmas is already celebrated in Alabama schools,” said Republican Ike Power (R-Tuscaloosa). “We don’t need a law that requires us to put up holiday trees and sing about snowmen. The kids can do that. The adults can’t but the children can. I thought everyone understood this?”

DNC politicos at the national level are keeping a close eye on the debate. Former Dem powerhouse Debbie Wasserman Schultz has already staked a position on the Alabama Christmas controversy. “We know this is what we would get with Trump. That’s why we have to impeach him before Thanksgiving or this type of crap will be all over the country. This is a bigger deal that people know right now. They aren’t thinking about this. But look at Russia, it snows there like all the time so they automatically have Christmas on the brain year round, I’m surprised people aren’t getting the connection here, this Christmas stuff is creeping in everywhere and Trump told us it would.”

Chaz Stevens, famed atheist folk hero who drinks a 12-pack of beer and then turns the empty cans into a display at the Florida state capitol every year says he is contemplating an Alabama display of some type this year. “I’m going to find a school to display a statue of Santa as Satan, horns and everything,” Stevens reportedly said to an Alabama television station. “That’s Christmas in schools as it should be.”

Harold Starr

An old-timey newsman with an eye for the ladies, Harold Starr brings decades of experience from southern North Dakota where he worked for years as the editor of the Herald Star in the city of Flasher, ND (we kid you not). He reports on Christmas Lifestyle, Culture and anything having to do with women, his proclaimed specialty.

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